Confused.

Well... I am a bit nervous... it’s my first blog... I don’t know how to write this... or what to write ... but I have started. That also I don’t know why..!! It’s a real confusion...

This is the thing... confusion and unknowingly doing a lot of things... This has taken me up to this... Financially I am not so poor... Earning more than enough bread for me and for my family... by profession I am now an engineer. Again I don't know if I am really an engineer, but I am a pass out of 2007 batch from Bengal Engineering College (presently BESU- Bengal engineering & Science University) with an engineering degree... 

Hey... Don’t think I am very much influenced by 3 Idiots.... It’s my own version, I swear.

At my child hood, not only in my childhood, in many other’ childhood also, we used to write an essay “What do you want to be”. I can remember that in class 4 I had to face such essay for the first time and for the rest of 2 or 3 years such essay was very common in exam paper. Whatever, that time I wanted to be a Police officer. That also I didn’t know why. But I discovered that I liked the Police uniform very much and I had written 4 to 5 sentences about a Police uniform only and may be 1 or 2 sentences about their activity which I guessed from a traffic Police at Howrah Maidan More. That was all about the essay. Nevertheless I was very excited about my writing skill that time. But my class teacher was not. He gave me poor marks in that assignment and told to write it again with more points. I was really disappointed, because some of my friends had “Good… very good”, that sort of comment in their notebook. I had to rethink on it to write it again, but couldn’t. I went to Mom, my all time help. She told me to write about an engineer, because my uncles my grand father were some kind of engineers (that time the word engineering was a black box to me, forget about the stream) and about the positive side of being an engineer my Mom could tell me at least 10 sentences within a minute. I blindly followed that, wrote that in my assignment book. The next day my note book also got a “very good” comment from my class teacher. I was so happy and proud about me and my Mom. Right from that day the plant of engineering was implanted in me .Police officer fled away from me, poor fellow.

After that I became very good mugger, a regular tuition goer, and an early riser. The after noon cricket left me from class 8. I started to get a healthy tummy. I passed madhyamik with good percentage and became more sincere about studies and with that percentage taking none than Science subject was like a crime in H.S. So, I didn’t do any crime. Being an ordinary student also, I stood first from my school in H.S exam (that also I don’t know how!!) and got a rank well enough to book a seat in BESU for myself in electrical engineering stream. My parents were happy and I was also happy to see them happy. I didn’t know anything about engineering. I only knew if I become an engineer I would get a job, would be well paid and my parents’ expectation from me would be paid off.

So, I became an engineer after 8 semesters. 

But forgot to care about my own capabilities, through out this long period of time starting from class 7 or 8. I am not saying I could become a good singer or good painter or a good photographer or that Police officer. I am just trying to make a point that the way I made it, was it really going to help me in future? Being an electrical engineer most student of my batch joined in software companies, some went for MBA s some for banking sectors or higher studies. And rest of us wanted to stick to at least an electrical firm. So we joined Siemens Ltd. But what happened after that? Have I added any value to myself? 

Most of my friends turned colleagues have suffered from depression, some have left to find another job or some have gone back into studies. Because we could not find any engineer with in us. We work like a highly paid clerk. We leave home at 8 o’clock in morning and return home at 9 o’clock at night, in office sincerely listen to what our boss tells us, try to execute it in our own way like searching lot of info in internet, lot of info in product manuals, taking reference of mother projects. Exactly similar way we used to do home assignments in college period. This is engineering we usually do. I am not saying engineering should be as interesting or adventurous as rocket science or Man vs. Wild. But at least the way we do it is anything other than engineering, I believe. Being an engineer I don’t know how a domestic wiring is planned or how to fix a fan or tube light or what should be optimum cable cross section for a washing machine or air conditioner. These all are very much day to day life electrical engineering requirement, but I am not being able to answer it, answer to my self.

What will happen to the new generation engineer 20 years later grown up like me? Will they also question the same questions to themselves? Will it be continued? Don’t you think this tradition should be broken?